Patterns

Life's undercurrents

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Cathedral Basilica of Saint Louis

As a young boy I remember being enthralled by documentaries on Europe’s gothic cathedrals and being spellbound by its striking vaulted ceilings. I could almost taste the singular blend of ethereal magic and patterned precision in these architectural triumphs, all sprinkled with a dash of storied history. As the years progressed, I’ve come to realise that a similar series of intricate patterns sit atop the cathedral of our very existence. These are thematic undercurrents that we experience by virtue of being alive; from the kind of relationships we find ourselves embroiled in over and over again, to the sources of happiness we naturally gravitate towards. Yet, for some reason, these richly tessellated aspects of life remain invisible to us.

I’m reminded of a beautiful short story I recently read by Chekhov titled, “The Darling”. It tells a whimsical tale about a woman who loves four very different people the same patterned way, the only way she knows how, which has entirely to do with her learned understanding of love. Her mode of loving is intense and fuelled with an unwavering sense of generosity. She moulds herself into the image of her partners. As a result, she suffers greatly when each of these loves leaves her in the same lonely place with the familiar crippling pain of heartbreak.

The way Chekhov unspools the complex psychology of our minds and weaves them back together in simple but profound sentences is breath-taking. Beyond the blatant misogyny, an unfortunate by product of the times, Chekhov’s work becomes a mirror for reflection on the intimate patterned realities of life. It is also a story on the pathos of human existence. He confronts the unease that comes with realising that each event in our life isn’t as discretely unique or independent as we like to think, there are elements that are repetitive and renewable, which result in very predictable worldly outcomes. Both our perils and possibilities are determined by the patterned way we engage with and understand reality.

But keeping track of life’s patterns is not easy because the bigger picture is always elusive. We are inclined, in the modern world we reside in, to focus on the granular experiences, like a dizzying first kiss, a politically toxic workplace or a whirlwind holiday adventure; microcosmic moments in the larger scheme of life, that engulf our senses and engross our minds. These flurry of emotions however obscure a more eternal truth. The truth that so much of our suffering springs from a failure to understand the lingering patterns left by the trail of our own practices and beliefs. And so much of our sanity is redeemed when at last we shed our own blinding masks and come to kneel at the fount of clarity - the reality and consequence of our own patterned actions.

Sometimes all it takes is a shocking epiphany to give us the opportunity to see these life patterns including the possibilities and obstacles that continuously present themselves underneath various cloaks of disguise. However you look at it, just remember this; life’s labyrinth of opportunities, let-downs and twists, reveal more than it conceals, just like the resplendent vaulted ceilings of those gothic cathedrals.