A bit of a ramble... I struggle sometimes with ‘journaling for self’ during troubled times finding I slip into the life writing I do for articles. I am conscious of a reader’s gaze - and yet the reader would only be me. Although in reality I tend to destroy these therapeutic meanderings. I know I am a contradiction in that I can share deeply personal experiences and yet I am ferociously private about aspects of my inner self. Because of this I do not work hard to imbue my personal journaling with any semblance of craft - it is a utility - so I am left with life writing that I know lacks something. How to get past that... do I need to? These days I am writing more fiction - to escape, explore or not? I don’t know - but I am envious of those who are able to show an innocent honesty in their writing about self.
Really interesting insight and something I can relate to. I love the differentiation you made between craft and utility - there is so much to unpack there. In some ways I find the beauty of words self-assuring and it strangely complements the 'mechanical' utility of writing and self-expression. Having said that, there are times when I find my personal reflections all too confronting even for my own eyes - it overwhelms me through its mere presence. I find that with the passage of time these introspective insights become more palatable (to me) and I reach a resolution of sorts with those thoughts and I'm able to see the beauty of the words again. I find your reflections above refreshingly honest!
I find what you wrote above an innocent honesty of self. I stopped journaling because it doesn't work for me, because I, too, slip into some formal overly-aware of the reader's (only me) gaze. If I write for others I become strangely more free, and when I work on my novels or poetry that freedom also manifests.
I consider my fiction, poetry, and articles, journaling for self... although maybe I'm missing something.
I also struggle with this and the only answer I’ve found is pretty drastic: I burn all my personal journals. I gave myself 10 years to make the decision to keep them or burn them, and once I started burning them it felt really good. It’s not going to be the right answer for everyone, but it seems to be the only way I am personally able to fully use that personal journal space without a constant feeling of writing for an eventual reader.
It highlights the cathartic nature of burning personal journals and the relief it brings of just having everything 'un-documented' once again - that process of reversal can be empowering.
That's a lovely way to put it. The process of journaling through emotions and life can be so helpful in setting a narrative frame, but it doesn't have to be kept forever.
I think we need to just write raw unfettered. Then if we want come back to it and craft it into something that could be significant. Too polished though gets unrelateable. Good rant.
This-- "constellation of intangibles"-- Absolutely beautiful. Every post I read of yours, I am struck by your profound, clear insights married to masterful prose. If my printer hadn't died, I would print this one out as it hummed in the very marrow of my bones.
Thanks Renee for the kind words. I find writing really affords me with an opportunity to dig deep within. It is almost meditative, if that makes sense.
I write letters to a friend very regularly. Unheard of in this day and age, to someone in the same country who would bother to write back, stick on a stamp and post a letter back to me. This back and forth motion of putting my thoughts in writing, on pen and paper, sending it off, waiting for a response, has been a cathartic experience for me.
Thanks so much for sharing. Love the art of letter writing! The tactility of it all is indeed liberating. It offers a reprieve from the dopamine infused immediacy that we get from email or Facebook messenger replies. I hope we'll see a resurgence of letter writing some day - maybe even in schools and colleges.
I enjoyed this ... not least because it’s fascinating to me that people can pursue the same action (in this case writing) yet infuse it with such different meaning.
Beautifully articulated Tom. Writing is indeed a polysemic art form. It is intensely personal yet thoroughly communicative. I too am awed by the diverse meanings it carries.
A bit of a ramble... I struggle sometimes with ‘journaling for self’ during troubled times finding I slip into the life writing I do for articles. I am conscious of a reader’s gaze - and yet the reader would only be me. Although in reality I tend to destroy these therapeutic meanderings. I know I am a contradiction in that I can share deeply personal experiences and yet I am ferociously private about aspects of my inner self. Because of this I do not work hard to imbue my personal journaling with any semblance of craft - it is a utility - so I am left with life writing that I know lacks something. How to get past that... do I need to? These days I am writing more fiction - to escape, explore or not? I don’t know - but I am envious of those who are able to show an innocent honesty in their writing about self.
Really interesting insight and something I can relate to. I love the differentiation you made between craft and utility - there is so much to unpack there. In some ways I find the beauty of words self-assuring and it strangely complements the 'mechanical' utility of writing and self-expression. Having said that, there are times when I find my personal reflections all too confronting even for my own eyes - it overwhelms me through its mere presence. I find that with the passage of time these introspective insights become more palatable (to me) and I reach a resolution of sorts with those thoughts and I'm able to see the beauty of the words again. I find your reflections above refreshingly honest!
I find what you wrote above an innocent honesty of self. I stopped journaling because it doesn't work for me, because I, too, slip into some formal overly-aware of the reader's (only me) gaze. If I write for others I become strangely more free, and when I work on my novels or poetry that freedom also manifests.
I consider my fiction, poetry, and articles, journaling for self... although maybe I'm missing something.
I also struggle with this and the only answer I’ve found is pretty drastic: I burn all my personal journals. I gave myself 10 years to make the decision to keep them or burn them, and once I started burning them it felt really good. It’s not going to be the right answer for everyone, but it seems to be the only way I am personally able to fully use that personal journal space without a constant feeling of writing for an eventual reader.
Very interesting. Your comment made me recall an NY Times article I read several years ago: https://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/02/fashion/burning-your-diaries-first-person.html
It highlights the cathartic nature of burning personal journals and the relief it brings of just having everything 'un-documented' once again - that process of reversal can be empowering.
That's a lovely way to put it. The process of journaling through emotions and life can be so helpful in setting a narrative frame, but it doesn't have to be kept forever.
I think we need to just write raw unfettered. Then if we want come back to it and craft it into something that could be significant. Too polished though gets unrelateable. Good rant.
This-- "constellation of intangibles"-- Absolutely beautiful. Every post I read of yours, I am struck by your profound, clear insights married to masterful prose. If my printer hadn't died, I would print this one out as it hummed in the very marrow of my bones.
Thanks Renee for the kind words. I find writing really affords me with an opportunity to dig deep within. It is almost meditative, if that makes sense.
I write letters to a friend very regularly. Unheard of in this day and age, to someone in the same country who would bother to write back, stick on a stamp and post a letter back to me. This back and forth motion of putting my thoughts in writing, on pen and paper, sending it off, waiting for a response, has been a cathartic experience for me.
Once again, your writing resonates with me.
Thanks so much for sharing. Love the art of letter writing! The tactility of it all is indeed liberating. It offers a reprieve from the dopamine infused immediacy that we get from email or Facebook messenger replies. I hope we'll see a resurgence of letter writing some day - maybe even in schools and colleges.
I enjoyed this ... not least because it’s fascinating to me that people can pursue the same action (in this case writing) yet infuse it with such different meaning.
Beautifully articulated Tom. Writing is indeed a polysemic art form. It is intensely personal yet thoroughly communicative. I too am awed by the diverse meanings it carries.
I love this. Thank you.
Thanks for reading!
This very much resonates! Thank you for expressing what makes writing such a pull/need/joy.
Cheers Antonia, thanks for reading!